Weird Al Yankovic’s new album includes a song called “Mission Statement“ in which he rattles off a torrent of frequently used business jargon (in a parody of Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young), highlighting the fact that none of it really means anything.
Here are the lyrics, with links to actual corporate statements that use the terms:
Invest in world-class technology
And leverage our core competencies
In order to holistically administrate
We’ll set a brand trajectory
Using management’s philosophy
Advance our market share vis-à-vis
With strong commitment to quality
Effectively enhancing corporate synergy
Providing our supply chain with diversity
We will distill our identity
Through client-centric solutions
And synergy
We must monetize our assets
Can you visualize a value-added experience?
That will grow the business infrastructure and
Our capitalized reputation
With cross-platform innovation
Networking, soon will bring,seamless integration
Robust and scalable, bleeding-edge and next-generation
And gaining traction with our resources in the marketplace
It’s mission-critical to stay incentivized
________* flexible solutions for our customer base
If you can’t think outside the box
You’ll be downsized
It’s a paradigm shift! (Hey, Hey! Look out!)
Well, it’s a paradigm shift, now!
(Here we go! Here we go! Here we come! Here we come! Ha!)
*Note: Weird Al is such a business wonk that in the last verse, he threw in jargon not even Quartz could decipher. If you can figure it out, please annotate this post.
When Weird Al Yankovic sings about business jargon, he’s mocking these companies
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